Sher"locked" in You!

(inspired from various readings and tv series)

 If you are reading this perhaps it is because you have read some of the exploits of Sherlock Holmes, or just watched an episode of Sherlock or Elementary and thought to yourself ‘well that seems easy enough but how to start’. The first thing that must be understood is that most of the deductions made in the Sherlock Holmes universe are only made because they are scripted. that is not to say that to make such insinuations is not possible but rather that it was created by somebody stewing over a manuscript for many days or weeks. Meanwhile you only have a window of a few seconds before you receive an exasperated glance from a third party for staring at them for too long. Furthermore, when you make a deduction you must tailor your observations to that person, while key areas on the body may give you clues about the person (hair, hands, shoes et cetera) your customized observations will reveal infinitely more. I think the best part about deductions is that your ‘victim’ does not even need to be in the room, a person’s work area, there utensils and even their writing can be a window into that persons lives. A person’s body language is also a handy tool at our disposal, not only the kinds of things such as: covering mouth= shocked, but rather eyebrows raised = wants to talk. With the mastering of all tools at our disposal comes a more frequent (and more importantly) more accurate deductions. observing small details, a understanding of graphology, a broad knowledge of everything (but only the things that are important) and a grasp on body language will aid you in your quest      

     The main reason I am writing this is due to my growing aggravation towards the other ‘crash course on deduction’ blogs and how-to websites. They consist of one of the two: “This is how you learn how to master the art of deduction, first you need to look at small things or something, next you need to know everything, a study of body language will be of help, knowing how to do handwriting analysis might do something. After you do all that stuff you like guess about stuff and you will get it right magically” (now granted I did just say the same thing in the former paragraph but with a lot more elocution, but never fear i shall be expanding on my topics in others posts). Then there is the blog that says: [must be read in the most omnipotent voice you can muster] “I am amazing, and can look at a piece of paper with a different language on it, then look at another one with one word missing and I can tell you what word……. Oh yea and deductions. [you may now resume regular reading voice] Now there are many good blogs out there, but you sometimes need to sift through all the gay fan fiction in order to get the real meat and potatoes of the idea. so I created this blog as a simple guide to the art of deduction. (if you have any questions or comments I would like to hear them, if you have any concerns or negative feedback you can scream them into your pillow). Lemme give you ten simple steps to mirror your duductionist locked inside you!

Step 1:

Develop your intellect. While Sherlock Holmes is a lot of things, he is nothing without his mind (the rest is merely appendix). If you are going to be Sherlock Holmes, you're going to need an IQ roughly over twice your height in inches, and you're going to need to know how to use this intellect. It's all well and fair to be smart, but being intelligent (that is, the ability to process information, not just random factoids you've kept around for no reason) is key. But don't worry, you can build this up... it simply takes practice. The brain is a muscle: exercise it.

Step 2:

Develop keen observational skills. The other half of Holmes' utter genius (apart from actually being a genius) is his ability to pick up details, and then transpose fact into conjecture, using the science of deduction. Learn to spot these details which become facts, and use intellect to narrow down possible causes until you've extrapolated something about that person which you didn't previously know.

Step 3:

Learn people. Being a genius and highly skilled is only half the fun. The most important part, and what really makes Holmes, well, Holmes, is the fact that he knows just how to go about showing it. It's not what a man has done, but a man can make you think he has done, that truly matters. Learn the art of showing what you know... without making it obvious that you are insecure about yourself and are showing off to gain approval from others. This is key.

Step 4:

Be anti-social. The other side of learning people, is that moment in time when you realize you understand people so well you'd rather talk to a skull (well, I say friend...). Part of Holmes' charm is that he has none, and frankly, the only way you can get your work done is if you stop going to parties every weekend. You will need to learn to spend hours, days on your own. Hey, it can be fun! Right, Yorick?

Step 5:

Move to London, UK (if you're not already there.) While you're at it, you should probably acquire a middle or upper class British accent if you don't already have that, either. It's really rather important.

Step 6:

Acquire some chemistry lab supplies, or access, and of course some knowledge of chemistry. Chemistry is utterly important to Holmes, and now especially in this day and age when chemistry can be used to analyze blood, soil, pollen, et cetera, it is imperative to have an excellent grasp of all things chemical, to aid in you in crime solving

Step 7:

Delete your hard drive, and empty your attic... metaphorically, of course. Your mind is your storage device. Normal people fill their attic with all sorts of useless junk that gets in the way of the useful things. Streamline; you need only know anything related to your profession, everything else is extraneous and thus useless. It doesn't matter if the Earth goes around the Sun, or the Sun goes around the Earth, or 'round and 'round the garden like a little teddy bear... it's not IMPORTANT, Holmes!

Step 8:

Learn to play the violin. This will simultaneously aid you in thinking, and provide a fun way to torture anyone around you (if it's three in the morning). Also, plucking diminished chords can cause flies to fly counterclockwise, once you've caught them all and put them in a large glass bottle.

Step 9:

Break up with your significant other. Holmes really considers himself married to his work... and you, as Holmes, obviously must share this view. You are only allowed one tentative yearning relationship with a criminal who outsmarts you on multiple occasions.

Step 10:

Find a sidekick, and then get him to move in with you. A doctor would be best, or at least someone who's been around some action (and you should be moving into an apartment... I mean flat.) It shouldn't be too hard to find an army doctor recently in Afghanistan, these days. Your sidekick will be used for bouncing ideas off of, and saving you, should the case ever arise.

By

K.Prasanna Venkatesh